Earlier today I was checking out some of the Warhammer Online developer pages and spent some time watching Paul Barnett’s video post.  He is the Creative Director for Mythic Entertainment for those of you who do not know.  In his videos he talks about upcoming features, concerns and fixes for Warhammer Online.  He seems like a likable guy but there is just something about him that bothers me.  He is very well informed when it comes to Warhammer Online but does he know anything about playground games?  I personally don’t think so.  He just seems like a guy that I could beat in a playground competition.

I mean he is English and I eat Thomas’ English muffins for breakfast all the time.  Sometimes even for lunch when I am really hungry.  I really do not think he stands a chance against me in a competition of playground games.  So just in case one day Paul Barnett and I happen to be in the same Elementary school yard at the exact same time.  I decided that I would challenge him to a series of playground games of my choosing.  The loser of course would have to play World of Warcraft and level a Blood Elf Hunter to level 80.  Blood Elves are the worst race to select when it comes to Hunters.  That’s the best part about it!  Below I listed 4 playground games and why I would totally own Paul Barnett in them.

The first game of the playground competition would be Thumb Wrestling.  This is more commonly referred to as Thumb War.  Considering the fact that the second word in this game is related to Paul’s current line of work I still do not think he has a chance against me.  I have been training my thumbs since I was a kid.  My left thumb was forged through rigorous space bar jumping in games such as Counter Strike and Unreal Tournament.  My right thumb was toughen through constant spamming of my mouse 4 and 5 buttons.

There is no way a Creative Director can beat my thumbs of steel.  He probably has strong index fingers because he creatively directs others on how to do their job.  Luckily for me we will be using the official Thumb Wrestling Federation rules with no tag team allowed.  So I do not have to worry about his index fingers.  One, two, three, four, I declare a Thumb War!  One, two, three, four, I will win the Thumb War!

The second game of the playground competition would be Hopscotch.  I would totally dominate Paul Barnett in this game.  My ability to balance is amazing.  I normally spec my talents evenly so I can easily be a jack of all trades.  I can heal, do damage and tank whenever the need arises.  This part of the competition will be so one sided he might as well forfeit.  He wouldn’t even stand a chance.  I mean he can’t even balance the classes in Warhammer Online so I doubt he could do any better on one foot.  Am I right or am I wrong?

The third game of the playground competition would be Tetherball.  This game is one of my all time favorite pass times.  The funny thing about Tetherball is how dangerous it can be.  Bloody noses and sore forearms are fairly common in this sport.  What a perfect game to take out all our frustrations on.  I can channel all my crash to desktops, zone crashes and population imbalances into striking the ball.  Paul can channel all the criticism and just being an Englishman into striking the ball.  I think this will be a close match.

The fourth and final playground competition would be Conkers.  Since Paul Barnett is English I decided that there would be no sweeter joy then beating him at a game of Conkers.  This game is played by threading a string through a conker (horse tree chestnut).  Each player takes turns striking the other players conker until one breaks.  Just because I am from the states doesn’t mean that I would be an underdog in this game.  I would easily break his Conker the same way a fortress zone breaks in a siege.  By simply hitting his Conker with way more then it could really handle.

Well that’s about it for my Playground Competition Challenge to Paul Barnett.  I can honestly say if by the grace of Sigmar the two of us were placed in a playground together, I would totally own him in these challenges.  Thanks for reading and see ya on the battlefield!

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